SCRIPT
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EXT. WILL CHAMBERMAN’S RV COURT - SALES LOT - DAY
SHAKY VIDEO CAMERA FOOTAGE shows row upon row of RVs baking in the hot Phoenix sun in a sprawling lot.
MAN (O.S.)
Carl? Carl! I’m rip-roaring ready, buddy!
Shaky cameraman CARL sweeps the camera around, revealing WILL CHAMBERMAN, RV salesman extraordinaire -- The Man! He
He stands on blacktop, pairing a suit with a COWBOY HAT.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Just tell me when you’re rolling and I’ll bring this thing home!
(beat, listening to Carl)
It is? Oh.
Will hits PLAY on a BOOM BOX. “Dealership” music blares.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Hello Greater Phoenix Metro! And a blazing hot A-Z
welcome to you from me -- Will Chamberman,
king of Chamberman RV Court in West Mesa!
He picks up a BASKETBALL from off camera, palms it.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
It’s my favorite time of year -- the Final Four!
And this year, with the games going down here in
Arizona at the University of Phoenix stadium,
I’m going Final Four-times March Madder than ever!
Will THROWS the basketball over Carl’s camera.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
It’s Chamberman RV’s Final Four Hometown
Throwdown Salestravaganzaaaa!
Will pulls a BLANKET off of a signboard. A MAGIC MARKER drawing on posterboard advertises the SALESTRAVAGANZA.
Carl/The camera follows Will, toting his “sales” music boombox, as he walks the RV lot, pointing at vehicles.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
That’s right. I’m celebrating the Final Four by laying
Heavy D on high prices...
Will high-fives a giant RV mirror like it’s a person.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
All you need to do is pick and you can roll out of
here with a deeply discounted RV, travel trailer or
pop up -- WHOA!
Will jumps, clearly startled
Carl’s camera pans over revealing mechanic GLEN, Danny Trejo-esque, dressed in all black -- Will’s nemesis.
He squints in the desert sun, menacingly mopping an RV.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Jeez, Glen! You snuck up on me.
GLEN
I was here first. So maybe, you snuck up on me?
Carl pans between Glen and an intimidated Will. A beat.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Oh. Well. Sorry then.
(beat, stammering)
So. How are you today? You having a...
Having a... Thing’s good?
Glen stares at Will, arms folded.
Will turns to Carl/the camera, giving the “cut” sign:
WILL CHAMBERMAN
He seems busy. Why don’t we...
SFX: BEEP! A BEEP indicates one of Carl’s editing cuts.
INT. RV - DAY
Carl/the Camera looka down the empty innards of an RV. Suddenly, we hear the “sales” music.
Will, boombox in hand, swaggers out from the RV’s bedroom.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
At Chamberman RV, the Final Four’s the highest of
holiday seasons.
Will grabs an APPLE from the galley kitchen and bites.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
(chewing)
You could take Christmas, New Years and 4th of July
and wrap them into a Thanksgiving turducken and
it’s still no match for March Madness ‘round here.
Will arcs the APPLE into a small office trash can-sized HOOP he’s affixed above the driver’s seat.
Carl’s camera follows the apple shot and then swings back to Will, who’s now way too close to the camera.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Because I’m more than just a Final Four fan.
There was a time when I was a closer to the action.
CUT TO:
FOOTAGE: 1988’s Final Four match-up between the Arizona Wildcats and the Oklahoma Sooners.
A mustachioed Will is superimposed standing next to the bench.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
I made history as the twelfth man on the
'88 Arizona Wildcats Final Four squad...
Superimposed 1988 Will roots on his teammates.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
...When a case of the passions made me the extra man
on the court.
The Wildcats score! Will runs onto the court, celebrating. We hear an ANNOUNCER.
1988 ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Chamberman’s on the court!
A REF blows a whistle. Will squares up on the ref and pantomimes shooting the refs with finger guns.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
I then racked up three technical fouls.
1988 ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
And the refs won’t like that!
Behind Will, a young STEVE KERR, in his Wildcats uniform, shakes his head.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
Young Steve Kerr was so unhappy.
FOOTAGE: Of the 1997 NCAA Champion Wildcats.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
I was also on the court when the Wildcats won in ‘97.
1997 ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Chamberman’s on the court...again?
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
I had to pull some strings for that ninth
year of eligibility.
BACK TO:
INT. RV - DAY
Will stands by a window, blinds down, inside the RV.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
College ball taught me that it takes guts and
determination to make it in this world.
And that’s how I got all of this.
Will retracts the blinds, revealing a row of new RVs.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
And all of this...
Will reaches across the RV and retracts some other blinds.
This time, Glen glowers in at him from outside. Will jumps behind the dinette, frightened.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
(whispering to camera)
Take a look at some of the highlights from this year’s
Final Four squads.
INSERT: REEL OF 2016-2017 NCAA HIGHLIGHTS
INT. RV - DAY
Will sits at the dinette in his suit and cowboy hat.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Pretty magical moments, don’t you think?
Just then, Glen blasts the RV window next to Will with a jet of WATER from the hose.
Will tenses up, freaked out.
SFX: BEEP!
INT. RV - DAY
Will looks to Carl as water blasts the RV.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Yeah. I know he’s doing it on purpose.
SFX: BEEP!
EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY
Traffic whirs by as Carl sets up a shot by the road directly in front of the dealership.
Will yells to the camera above the fracas.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
So this weekend, celebrate the Final Four here in Phoenix
with big savings on the RV, travel trailer, 5th wheel or
pop up tent trailer of your dreams.
Suddenly, Glen, wearing a black cowboy hat, drives by in a massive RV. The rumbling sound drowns Will out.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
It’s the Chamberman RV Final Four Salestravaganzaaaa!
Glen scoots out of the parking lot in his giant rig, sounding the airhorn as he passes Will.
WILL CHAMBERMAN
(masked by horn)
Tell ‘em Will Chamberman sent ya!
Glen floors it. His rig blows the cowboy hat off Will’s head. Desert dust swirls. A beat.
Will picks up his hat and looks to Carl. Then, sunny:
WILL CHAMBERMAN
Well. That went well. All we need to do now is ad the...
INSERT: Address and phone info along with A CARTOON WILL, wearing a crown and spinning a basketball atop an RV.
WILL CHAMBERMAN (V.O.)
Will Chamberman's RV Court just off exit 224 next to the Short Stop.
Open 7 days a week, and Sundays.
(offhand)
I think this is our best work yet, Carl!
FADE OUT.
THE CASE FOR COMEDY
We know we can do a traditional dramatic tease better than anyone. So why undertake the more difficult challenge of a comedic approach?
Here's why...